Random Musings of an Uninspired Muse.

Ugh. Its like 2 in the morning. Im tired, fairly tired in fact, but I cant make myself go to bed. Perhaps because I have a chore to do before I go to sleep, but mostly because well. I dunno. I know I really shouldn't be typing this late at night, most of this wont be very coherent in the morning. Anyway.


Okay. Um. I was cleaning out the room today, and I came across alot of my old French flashcards from French I and French II. The plan is still to somehow end up living in France (a long shot, I know, but a girl can dream, right?), but Im worried about not being able to keep up with my speaking and listening and reading. I suppose I could always read the liberation and watch TF1, buuut eh. I dont want to have taken 3 years of French for nothing, and it really is a beautiful language. I wish I had a better grasp of it. Generally speaking, I can read and write it okay, but speaking is another matter entirely. Anyway.

Gosh. I really want to talk about something here, but I dont know how many people (if anyone at all) reads this thing. I never thought I cared so much about how people thought of me, but I guess I do, now that I sit back and think about it. I know that most of my fears are unfounded, but theres always that chance. I'm extremely paranoid about everything, and I can honestly say that the only person Im ever completely at ease around is my sister. With everyone else Im always afraid that Im going to say something wrong or come across as a douchebag or a wierdo, or that Im going to treat someone badly or just be antisocial. I get nervous and I talk too much, and then I get frustrated and annoyed and then I start worrying about things that happened ages ago that I might have said to someone that may or may not have bothered them, but I dont want to bring it up and have them be all 'what are you talking about?' and seem like a complete idiot. I know I worry too much, but I cant help it. I dont think I care as much about what people think of me as I care about hurting or upsetting the people I admire and care about, or at least generally like. I put too much unnecessary pressure on myself, I guess.

Also,Im afraid I talk too much about myself on here, and in general. I mean, I dont know of I come across as self-centered or self-possessed, but I hope not. If you happen to be reading this, anyone at all, you know, let me know. It's been bothering me. I try and catch myself and divert the conversation away if I notice it's on me, but...eh. I look at the words on this screen and I see way too many 'I's and 'me's and 'myself's.

Anyway, enough of that wangst-fest. I had another doodle session in p-chat tonight, this time with Jordy. I love her art so much, its so much fun drawing with her.

The orange stuff is mine, and the blue ferret is Jordy. Besides us the room was empty, so I kinda just stretched out and took up space. Lately I've been trying to center my pictures around the eyes. I draw the eyes first, and then build the face around it, which is kind of hard for me, but I think I like drawing better that way. I may throw some lineart on the one of Ani and the not-so-random fellow.

Anyhoo, thats it. Good night (morning)