Random Musings of an Uninspired Muse.

First off I have to thank Jordy for directing me to the lovely site that this blog layout came from. It is truly awesome. Go find her, send her love and cookies and amazing things, for she is boss.

Secondly, today I, managed to acquire a copy of the book Un Lun Dun by a fella by the name of China Mieville, and let me tell you, if ever there was a spectacular romp for the imagination, this book is it. I swear. The only reason Im not reading it right now is because Im typing. If I could think on two different levels at the same time I'd type and read. Anyway.

My room is inching towards the ultimate goal of cleanliness. I can see my floor, and I mean the entire floor. That is a miracle in itself. Now, if only I could find a place to put all of the mess I had on the floor that I transferred to the bed...

I kind of have the pre-college jitters. I dont think Im afraid as much as I just anticipate everything. Im praying that all of my payments and stuff can go through, and it pisses me off that I didnt get the Evelyn Keedy Memorial Scholarship. Oh well. We'll figure something out I suppose, even if it means selling our souls to even more loans D:

Tomorrow is my last day at Bi-Lo until September. After September Im hoping to get a job in Atlanta and leave Bi-Lo for good so I can take my car and stuff. Thats the plan, but as the ever-amazing Ben Gibbard said, 'Every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time'. So.

[/lame]

Book: Daughter of the Forest
Author: Juliet Marillier
Genre: Fantasy
Published in: 2000
Time to read: about 2 days

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I first picked up this book at the semi-annual library book sale about five months ago. To tell the truth, I almost didn't read it at all. I must have passed by it and its sequel, Son of the Shadows, about five times before I actually took the time to look at it and read the back cover, which goes something like this:

"Lovely Sorcha is the seventh child and only daughter of Lord Colum of Sevenwaters. Bereft of a mother, she is comforted by her six brothers who love and protect her. Sorcha is the light in their lives, they are determined that she know only contentment."

Okay, I thought to myself. Another fantasy book featuring your everyday Mary Sue, big deal. The rest of the back cover followed pretty much the same vein, however my interest was piqued, if only just so. But, the book and its sequel was only $.25. Who was I to complain? Suffice it to say, I bought it, and immediately loved it.

Daughter of the Forest is unlike any fantasy book I have ever read. The book, and the trilogy for that matter, is centered around the legend and folklore model that we are all familiar with; the repetition of the number 3 (as in 3 tasks, three people and so on), the repetition of the number 7 (same with the number 3. Both represent completion), a young hero or heroine, a evil stepmother or antagonist in general, the ultimate triumph over evil and the happily ever after. This is a book that seems at first to follow this exact model, but with a few exceptions.

Sorcha is a heroine unlike any other that I have encountered in any fantasy or science fiction book, much like the character Tally from the book Belarus by Lee Hogan. She is not so multi-faceted as Tally, but her character is just as strong, if not stronger. The book is written from her point of view, and rightly so. We see in Sorcha an unrivaled character progression, from her child-like innocence at the beginning of the book to the strong woman she becomes at the end. She is a character that you can empathize with and relate to, and her experiences aren't so far-fetched from real life in some cases.

The book over all is like a richly-woven tapestry made of only the finest material. It is a solid 544 pages long, but by no means a difficult or tedious read. It is written in such a way that engages the reader without confusing them. There are only a couple of slow points in the book that I noticed; it is by no means a fast-paced book with an abundance of action, but it is a book meant for you to think and consider, and in some cases to mull over. If you're anything like me, you will come to genuinely care about the good characters in this book, and thoroughly despise the bad ones, namely the Lady Oonagh and Lord Richard.

Overall, this book is a great read. Audience-wise, it is definately not for a younger crowd, it deals with a couple of rather adult issues. If you value extreme action and a fast-paced book in your fantasy novels, than this probably isn't the book for you. Its a story that takes some time to be told, but for obvious reasons. This is a wonderful book with a story and plot that one doesnt find in very much fantasy literature these days. I definately reccomend it.

La laaaaaa lalalalalala, la lalalalalalalalaaaah!

XD okay. I found this a few seconds ago, its from the blog of Steven Silvers, who apparently found it from somewhere else. Its some good advice, I thought I'd just put it up here.


I find as artists, we tend to beat ourselves up quite a bit, and the reality is, it's a bunch of nonsence. I Find that if you can let go of comparing yourself to others, you will set your mind free, Relax more, create more and accept what it is you are currently doing as reality. The bottom line is "WHO CARES" Life is too short, so enjoy it.
I came across this on the web and I liked it.
It hits the nail on the head. so I wanted to share.

So you want to be more creative, in art, in business, whatever. Here are some tips.

1. Ignore everybody.

2. The idea doesn't have to be big. It just has to be yours.

3. Put the hours in.

4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being "discovered" by some big shot, your plan will probably fail.

5. You are responsible for your own experience.

6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.

7. Keep your day job.

8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity.

9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb.

10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.

11. Don't try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether.

12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.

13. Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside.

14. Dying young is overrated.

15. The most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do, and what you are not.

16. The world is changing.

17. Merit can be bought. Passion can't.

18. Avoid the Watercooler Gang.

19. Sing in your own voice.

20. The choice of media is irrelevant.

21. Selling out is harder than it looks.

22. Nobody cares. Do it for yourself.

23. Worrying about "Commercial vs. Artistic" is a complete waste of time.

24. Don�t worry about finding inspiration. It comes eventually.

25. You have to find your own schtick.

26. Write from the heart.

27. The best way to get approval is not to need it.

28. Power is never given. Power is taken.

29. Whatever choice you make, The Devil gets his due eventually.

30. The hardest part of being creative is getting used to it.

31. Remain frugal.

32. Allow your work to age with you.

33. Being Poor Sucks.

34. Beware of turning hobbies into jobs.

35. Savor obscurity while it lasts.

36. Start blogging.

There is another list of useful tips you should take serious:

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 1:
It's the fear of not being able to do it that is making you feel you've lost your inspiration. To get rid of the fear, you must approach your painting as if it were a job and DO IT.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 2:
Force yourself to set a goal of ‘X’ number of paintings. Copy if you must, use kitchen tools as models if you must, but simply getting into the paint itself will begin to inspire you, even if you don't like the subject matter. There's always something to learn.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 3:
Change media. If acrylic, go to oil. If oil, go to printmaking.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 4:
Search for new painters on the web, using Google's image search. Go to galleries. Try to find an artist who's doing something that appeals to you, something that the voice inside you says, "I could do that" or "I'd like to be able to do that." Secure an image and copy it to find out what that artist did and how. Then think about recombining ideas.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 5:
Play the "what if?" game. What if I painted this old subject matter on a tire? What if I put together a still life of bricks? How can I use a new material, a new subject matter, a new style. Be wild in your considerations.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 6:
Remember that everyone has fallow periods. I don't consider them really fallow, just the subconscious taking a breather and getting ready to take a different direction.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 7:
Check out some books on creative thinking to give you a jolt.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 8:
Take a trip to somewhere you've never considered, even if it's only to a local town you've never explored. Always take a sketchbook, everywhere you go. Or a digital camera. Imagine yourself a Lilliput or a giant to change your perspective.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 9:
Keep a journal of drawings and writings for a month. Pick something from the journal to paint. Review it in six months or a year.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 10:
Compile a scrapbook of family portraits -- not just faces, but each family member doing something typical -- a ‘candid’ sketch with writing about the person, the time, your impressions. Keep it in a journal for your kids' kids.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 11:
Go to a senior citizen center and draw the people there. Talk to them about their life stories. Try to express your response in mixed media using copies of their old photographs, etc.

Beating Artist’s Block Tip 12:
Take a class that forces you to produce in a structured environment.

Ugh. Its like 2 in the morning. Im tired, fairly tired in fact, but I cant make myself go to bed. Perhaps because I have a chore to do before I go to sleep, but mostly because well. I dunno. I know I really shouldn't be typing this late at night, most of this wont be very coherent in the morning. Anyway.


Okay. Um. I was cleaning out the room today, and I came across alot of my old French flashcards from French I and French II. The plan is still to somehow end up living in France (a long shot, I know, but a girl can dream, right?), but Im worried about not being able to keep up with my speaking and listening and reading. I suppose I could always read the liberation and watch TF1, buuut eh. I dont want to have taken 3 years of French for nothing, and it really is a beautiful language. I wish I had a better grasp of it. Generally speaking, I can read and write it okay, but speaking is another matter entirely. Anyway.

Gosh. I really want to talk about something here, but I dont know how many people (if anyone at all) reads this thing. I never thought I cared so much about how people thought of me, but I guess I do, now that I sit back and think about it. I know that most of my fears are unfounded, but theres always that chance. I'm extremely paranoid about everything, and I can honestly say that the only person Im ever completely at ease around is my sister. With everyone else Im always afraid that Im going to say something wrong or come across as a douchebag or a wierdo, or that Im going to treat someone badly or just be antisocial. I get nervous and I talk too much, and then I get frustrated and annoyed and then I start worrying about things that happened ages ago that I might have said to someone that may or may not have bothered them, but I dont want to bring it up and have them be all 'what are you talking about?' and seem like a complete idiot. I know I worry too much, but I cant help it. I dont think I care as much about what people think of me as I care about hurting or upsetting the people I admire and care about, or at least generally like. I put too much unnecessary pressure on myself, I guess.

Also,Im afraid I talk too much about myself on here, and in general. I mean, I dont know of I come across as self-centered or self-possessed, but I hope not. If you happen to be reading this, anyone at all, you know, let me know. It's been bothering me. I try and catch myself and divert the conversation away if I notice it's on me, but...eh. I look at the words on this screen and I see way too many 'I's and 'me's and 'myself's.

Anyway, enough of that wangst-fest. I had another doodle session in p-chat tonight, this time with Jordy. I love her art so much, its so much fun drawing with her.

The orange stuff is mine, and the blue ferret is Jordy. Besides us the room was empty, so I kinda just stretched out and took up space. Lately I've been trying to center my pictures around the eyes. I draw the eyes first, and then build the face around it, which is kind of hard for me, but I think I like drawing better that way. I may throw some lineart on the one of Ani and the not-so-random fellow.

Anyhoo, thats it. Good night (morning)

Lalalaaa, this is just a general update with the stuff I've been working on lately. Not much word-wise, though I do have a few pictures.
A random sci-fi scenery I did a week or so ago. I kinda like it, but its reeeally messy. If I decide to work on it more I'll have to tighten up the buildings and and and more detail.

Yeah, yeah, its this picture again. Its coming along nicely though, I think. I hid the sketch layer so you can kind of see what it will look like finished, although now it looks like she's missing a hand because I hid the buck D: I need to finish her hair pronto. Ill work on it again, eventually.

Aaand lastly, this is the first picture I've really worked on using Photoshop CS. Im still tinkering around in the program, but overall its pretty neat. I actually sketched this in P-chat, but the log died on me so I uploaded it in Photoshop to finish it. I love textures. So much. Im going to have to download some neat brushes too, eventually.


Anyway, thats all for right now.

Weeell, its been a couple of days. I graduated, and it was fun. Now, until July 11 its just work and, well, whatever I want to do I guess. Other than that, nothing's been happening on my end. I'm just trying to get everything together, I suppose.

I confess I have been a little down and lonely lately, but I'll get over it, as usual XD I hope I get to hang out with everyone before I leave. Work is disappointing all around (except for my hours this week, I suppose), and put honestly I cant wait to have that small break from Bi-Lo until September.

Uuuh. I just wanted to update, seeing as I wouldnt have time to later. Like I said, not much to update about, life is low-key as usual, everything is everything.

So, its been a few days since I've updated anything here. Truth be told, I really dont find any of this to be particularly interesting, but I guess later on after a few months it'll be fun to go back and read this stuff.

Graduation practice was...well, graduation practice. I keep hearing everyone say that it has or it hasn't hit them yet that they are graduating, but I dont know if Im in shock or if Im just, you know, immune to it or something. Like, graduation for me right now feels so anti-climatic. I've been expecting it, I know its coming, but Im not anticipating it converse to what I've been telling everyone. When people at church and at work and stuff ask me if Im ready to graduate, Im all "Yeah, Im super excited! I cant wait!" In reality Im just ready to get it over with. The only reason i dont say otherwise is because its what everyone expects to hear, that a future graduate is excited to leave. I dunno, Im not saying its not important, Im just not anticipating it or anything. Maybe it will hit me tomorrow.

Another thing is going to school in July. I hate to seem so anti-social and ready to leave Rutherford County (which I am), I just have the feeling that I'm projecting myself as being aloof and better than this place. I do love Rutherford County, and I love North Carolina period, I just dont want to be here for the rest of my life. And lately it seems that I've been more and more eager to leave, which has nothing to do with anything or anyone here. It's more of a personal thing. As opposed to graduation, I am SO ready to go to Atlanta its not even funny. It's going to feel weird starting so early, and Im going to miss everyone alot, but well. I've been trying to express that sentiment but it really hasnt been going through, I dont think.

In other news, my room is even worse than it was before. And when I mean even worse, I mean that my bed is completely unusable. I'd smother in my own clothes and papers if I tried to sleep in it, which is kind of why I stayed at Traci's place last night. Its futile, trying to clean that room. No matter how much crap I throw away, It seems like more and more just keep poring out of the orifices under my bed and from the depths of my closet. Im convinced that my room is the black-hole portal to which some trash-ridden planet tosses their crap.

Anyway, thats all the complaining I have left to do today.

I apologize in advance if this post is a bit on the scattered side. It just so happens that I spent the last hour and a half not only downloading the entire series of Samurai Champloo, but painting my piggy-bank, Curtis. With fingernail polish, no less. I swear, its not the smartest thing I've ever done but I think its alot prettier now. I hope I dont run out of polish D:

Anyway, for the past coupla days I really havent been doing much. I finally managed to finish that graduation picture for church, which wasn't as big of a headache as it should have been. Truthfully, I should have been finished with it a week ago, but I just couldn't figure out what I wanted to draw that would represent all of us who are graduating, namely Justin, Josh, Trey, Glinda and me. And it didn't help that Josh and Trey kept goofing off on Wednesday whenever I was trying to glean ideas from their thick brains. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Okay, I think I've found a memory verse that I may be able to use for this picture. Listen to this -
Josh: Trey, what happened to that girl you were talking to? Whats her name?
Trey: *sigh* I dont know what you're talking about.
Me: o_o Come oooon, listen to this memory verse. Okay -
Josh: Trey's a pimp you know. He's got like 13 girlfriends.
Trey: Whatever. *mumble*
Josh: Its true!
Me: SHUT UP AND LET ME READ THE MEMORY VERSE! o_o

...and so on. So, needless to say, I didnt get very much done. It wasnt until Thursday morning that I really figured out what I wanted to do, and it was pretty much smooth sailing after that. The only thing that kept me from finishing the picture Thursday was my obsessive need to finish SC. Im such a nerd.

As for everything else goes, Im SO ready for this week and next week to be over with. Im anticipating graduation, especially after going to Polk County's graduation tonight. I cant honestly say that I feel very sentimental at the moment, but then again, there aren't many things I feel sentimental about in general. Oh well.

I guess thats about it. Im sure there are other things that happened in the past two days interesting enough to put here, but its 2:00 in the morning and my brain is past coherent function. Until next time, I suppose.

Well, I usually dont update until the night, but I dont think I'll have time then so Im going to go ahead and do it now.

So, Brittany swung by earlier and we played videogames and just and a generally grand old time. Of course I whipped her in everything (because they are my games, obviously) but we had fun, or at least I did. I've been told Im not very fun to play competetive videogames with, so thats debatable. After I dropped her off over at the school, I went back to the Thai Restaurant (Which is named Bangkok Delight, by the way) and ordered the 'Eew' dish again, which I cant remember the name of. Becca and her brother Brian came along, and it really was great seeing her again, seeing as I haven't really gotten to talk to her since her grand exit at Bi-Lo, of which I only knew the details of today. Anyway, she's been having a really hard time lately, and I hope us getting to hang out for a bit made her feel better. Out of all the people Im going to be leaving behind here once I disembark to Atlanta-land, I think Im going to miss her and some other people the most.

I've got so much stuff to do, but man am I tired. I've been working on that picture at the top of the post on and off for the past few days, and I reeeeeally hope I can stay interested in it long enough to finish it. I've loved Greek mythology for a long time, and Artemis has to be one of my favourite goddesses (I love the Hamadryads, but they arent really goddesses I guess so they dont count). Anyway. Heres a list of things I hope to accomplish before leaving for school:

• Conquer boths hills in my neighborhood when bikeriding
• Completely clean out my room. Every single bit of everything
• Make a comprehensive list of everything I need to take
• Buy a calendar
• Lose weight, keep exercising ( guess that goes along with the first thing on the list)
• Learn to take better care of my hair D: I want to keep it.
• Other things that arent on this list.

Anyway. Thats just about it for right now, I think. Peace out.

Yaay, today was pretty low key. As usual, I dont have very much to talk about....well, that pizza, the barbecue pizza from Papa John's has made me nauseous once again BUT ITS SO DELICIOUS GAAAH. Craaamps ;D;

I had a really interesting conversation with Chad and Andy about religion again at art this evening. I'd add in Gowain, but most of what he says is nonsense and expletives, so XD. I feel alot better about my religious standing after talking to them, even though our respective beliefs are pretty much opposite. Like, I dont feel as bad about not being the type of Christian that everyone else is, and I feel closer to God for having realized this. I feel more motivated to read my Bible and talk to him, and I guess I have Chad and Andy to thank for that, since their so unbiased and easy to talk to. I love those guys.

Other than that, I dont have much of anything to talk about. I think we're gonna order my bedspread and stuff for school tomorrow, the comforter is a reversible black and tan, I love it <3 I reeeeally need to get some boxes so I can stash all that mess in my room somewhere. There's like a mountain of clothes spilling out of my room into the hallway that I need to sort.

This morning I went bikeriding for the first time in ages, and it was spectacular. I worked up a great sweat doing it too. It was really therapeutic and my legs dont even hurt that much even though I havent exercised since freshman year, probably because I stretched well afterwards. *shrug*

Anyhoo, thats just about it XD

Well, today happened to be awesome. It started out rather crappily but I cleared up everything with my mom, and it was great from then on. I went up to the school and turned in all of my crap and got everything taken care of, then I went to Bi-Lo and bought some breakfast food.

I played Viewtiful Joe for a coupla hours then Mary Anne came over and we hung out before going to the Thai Restaurant, Happy Bangkok or whatever its called. It was AWESOME. The restaurant has such a neat vibe, and the food was AMAZING. After that we hung out some more, and theeen I went over to Traci's and watched the Golden Compass which was just okay. I hate how they mixed everything around and stuff.

After that, I came home and kind of cleaned, talked to Becca for a hot second, kind of cleaned some more and here I am now. This may sound lame, but I actually feel like a normal person and able to interact normally with people right now. I hope Im not overdoing it and getting on peoples nerves (mainly Mary Anne, she's been having to put up with me alot lately I guess), but this really has been an awesome few days with one exception. I hope I dont completely ruin it with my me-ness. That would be sad.

Anyhoo, thats about it, I suppose.

Do you know what it feels like to severely disappoint someone who thinks, or thought the world of you? Or, do you know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that disappointment? Like, when you first found out that the Power Rangers didnt actually do their own moves or that your favourite movie hero had acted in something terrible. I dont know. I think that being on the giving end of that disappointment is ten times worse. Sometimes, whenever it comes to celebrities and stuff they dont care what they do to their fans, because you know, they're still getting paid. But when you conciously know that someone thinks less of you because of something you've said or done, thats a guilt and a self-depreciation you have to live with for the rest of your life.

And like, you feel like you have to redeem yourself but deep down you know that whats been done has been done and that no matter what you do theres that remembrance in the back of the other person's head reminding them that you've done whatever it is that you did. That trust in that area is gone, possibly forever.

Lately it feels like I've been on the giving end of that disappointment more often than not. I want a time machine where I can go back and right all of my wrongs, but thats a fool's wish and I know it. I suppose our mistakes make us or break us, and I just hope that one day I dont make the ultimate mistake and ruin everything thats gone right in my life.

I know I've disappointed you. I wish I could take back everything I said. Im sorry.

Well, its my first post here at blogspot. I suppose I'll update here regularly, maybe, maybe not. We'll see.


I honestly dont know what to put on these things sometimes. Its like, I get all of these things I want to write about in my head during the day and then when I sit down to write my mind goes completely blank. 'Cause Im awesome like that.


Also, right now I am wearing a sweater and those sofee shorts or whatever. Whats up with that? Its like 9 degrees in here, you'd think I'd have more sense than that, but whatev. Thats all for now.